Hitting 'publish' is hard
On pushing through fear, setting ego aside, and changing perspective.
Creating something and sending it out into the world is hard.
Whether it’s a piece of writing, music, art, or some other form of creativity, allowing others to view it, critique it, talk about it, and share it, is difficult to let happen. There’s a mental barrier to sharing your personal work. For me, it’s hitting ‘publish’ on my writing (not others, like my curated list of ‘top reads’ for the week). Sure, I’ve released a few pieces out into the wild, but only after much hesitation and sometimes substances to help me part with it.
Physically, it takes about as much energy as moving a single finger just a few inches. But mentally, it is like standing up in front of a grade-school class to give your first speech. It’s absolutely terrifying.
That’s why most people don’t create, they consume.
I started writing online as a side hobby - essays, short stories, journal entries, maybe a memoir or a memoir-inspired novel. But as soon as I even begin to think about writing anything, fear and doubt cloud my mind.
My imposter-syndrome tells me:
Why should people care? They don’t.
What if they don’t like it? They won’t.
Does it matter at all? Nope.
Why should people care?
No one caring won’t actually hurt you, it’ll help you.
You’ll be in the same place as before, but with greater insight into what people don’t care about. With that, you can change your approach. You can modify your work, re-sculpt it, and play around with it until someone does care. That’s not to say that’s what you should do. You might not care what other people think. If that’s the case, keep on creating what you’re creating. Maybe you’re right and they’re wrong, or maybe they just don’t get it yet. Either way, your reasons are yours alone, and whatever they are - you’re right.
If people do care, they’ll like your work. They’ll share it, comment on it, talk about it. You’ll know it, and yes, it’ll feel good. It’ll make you want to create more because others are gaining value from it. It’ll create momentum to continue forward. It’ll give you more confidence that what you’re doing is worthy of people’s attention and time. And make no mistake, it is time and attention that you’re asking for.
What I realized is that, whether people care or not, either way has a positive outcome. If people care, I’ll have struck a chord and will know what to double-down on. If not, I’ll know to move on to something else.
It’s a win-win.
What if they don’t like it?
What’s the worst that can happen if someone doesn’t like your work?
If they’re friends or family, they might say they like it - and they might genuinely mean it. Perhaps not, but you’ll know when that’s the case. I’ve learned that people who like my work want to discuss it, dissect it, engage with it. If I feel someone’s disliked my piece, I might pry and pull the reason out of them because I’m curious. I want to improve. And I only ask that you allow me the courtesy.
Someone telling you that they dislike your work IS OK, as long as it comes with constructive feedback. Criticism provides a window to improve, modify, and strengthen your craft. In fact, it’s the one of the main ways to improve. Without it, we don’t know what our strengths and weaknesses are, what resonates or not - if we clearly communicated at all.
As a novice writer like myself, we’ll need all the feedback we can get. I not only accept that my writing will suck in the beginning, I expect it. No one starts out as an expert at anything.
People also have short-term memory loss, especially when it comes to online content. Strangers who dislike your work will forget it in a matter of seconds and move on to their next momentary curiosity. Any feedback, criticism, or critique - good or bad - is an opportunity to improve, engage with, and learn from.
Also a win-win.
Does it matter at all?
Here’s a key realization that I had while writing this: I’m not writing this particular piece for it to matter to the reader (sorry). I’m writing this one for me. When faced with the anxiety of public writing, I decided to drown that anxiety by not writing for the public, but rather for myself.
So why write in public at all?
Great question. If my writing provides any insight, joy, inspiration, or utility to even a single person besides myself, the net value gain increases. But I’m already at a net positive because I’m my own audience first - and it matters to me.
If you gain value from it, that’s great! It’s a cherry on top, though. I’m writing to push through fear, gain clarity, develop a new skill, and share my journey along the way. Doing that might inspire others to do the same, but it might not. Either way, I’m gaining value from it. There’s really nothing to lose.
But what does it mean to ‘matter?’
A quick Google search brought me to an article from Psychology Today:
When a person both feels valued and adds value to themselves and others, they become happier and healthier.
Wellness and worthiness depend on fairness in relationships, at work, and in the community.
A "me culture" focuses on one's right to feel valued. A "we culture" balances one's rights with a responsibility to feel valued and add value.
“When a person both feels valued and adds value to themselves and others…” So, even if my work doesn’t add value to others, it still added value to me. There’s the win-win.
What value did this writing bring me?
To start: overcoming fear of rejection, expressing myself, becoming a better writer than yesterday, learning to set my ego aside, realizing that what I write does matter (even if it’s just to myself), connect with like-minded people, learning to think more clearly, creating instead of consuming.
I had an insight while writing the first portion of this essay: that my fear is really a fear of friends and family reading my work. Everyone else I don’t know, I don’t interact with, I don’t care about what they think. I’ll never interact with them like I do with you (you know who you are).
Do I care what my friends and family think? Well yeah, I’d love it if everyone enjoyed my writing. But that’s not going to happen, even on the best of days. There will always be someone who doesn’t like my work. It’s impossible to please everyone.
That’s completely fine. Another win-win.
What is this essay about?
At the start, I had no idea. I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to write about because I was scared to write at all. So, I decided to write about that, write about that fear - write through that fear.
At the start, I was hesitant that I’d ever hit publish. Now I’m calm, semi-confident, and excited to hit that yellow button (yours might be of a different variety) in the upper-right hand side of my screen. That little button that allows the entire world to see my writing, thoughts, feelings. Isn’t that funny? A simple button that causes so much fear.
This is a personal exploration on pushing through fear and doubt, becoming comfortable being vulnerable, putting myself out there. I’m not trying to drop any epiphany’s on anyone today. I did give myself one, though, in the process of writing this piece: that there’s really nothing to be afraid of.
So, if you don’t like it, fine. Go read something else. Or better yet, tell me why. And if you do, I’d love to hear that too.
Win-win.
What will future pieces be on?
Hard to say, although I can say what my interests are: self-discovery, philosophy, learning how to live a better, more intentional and joyful life, storytelling, creativity, language. The list is long.
Another area of self-improvement I’d like to make is in the commitment department. So, I’d like to make one here, so that you have some idea of what to expect moving forward, and I am on the hook in making it happen. If you, my reader, wanted to help with a little accountability, you could do so here.
Here’s what I’m thinking:
Tuesdays will be essays: something I’ve learned, experienced, or a book review.
Thursdays will be stories: a memory, experience, or piece of fiction.
Sundays will be weekly finds: all interesting articles, essays, stories, words, podcasts, or videos that I’ve come across that week.
Now that I’ve set expectations and put myself on the line (all pun intended), I’m going to hit that yellow ‘publish’ button and get to it.
All the best,
Thanks for sharing vulnerability so beautifully.
I am impressed with your willingness to do this; to be willing to expose something of your interior life and in so doing, you ARE vulnerable to criticism or rejection even. You have a real talent here and I am proud of you for taking this risk!
Write on!